to go beyond

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Poetry. Architecture. Writing. Music. Life. People. Friends. Faith.

Those seen above are words continually being cycled and recycled through my train of thoughts. New ideas, possibilities, opportunities are all swirling together, confusing what I have always wanted with what I am beginning to understand I really have wanted underneath it all along.

To sacrifice my treasured ideas, to go beyond the lands I am familiar with, to climb up and over the walls that have held me in... it is a frightening stage of my life, challenging, befuddling, even painful. I have begun to wonder if I truly know myself.

Questions are being posed in my life for the first time, and I do not understand nor dare venture to blindly guess the answers.

The vagueness and metaphorical ramblings I am using are the only way I know to explain my feelings without declaring to the world subjects better left unspoken.

Here is one thing I can mention freely without such secretiveness: a friend of mine has been challenging me by his mere presence to examine my writing with more purpose and reflection, with more diligence and intelligence. I honestly feel outright stupid in his presence, and feel as though all of my writing is under his adept scrutiny. I fear his criticism because I am afraid to hear my writing is not good enough. I am afraid to have demands made of my skills to alter the treasured drafts of my novel into something I did not intend it to be. I know I am able to trust my friend's word; he is honest and encouraging, and most certainly very intelligent, indeed! What I fear is more specifically that after all of these years of writing, rewriting, growing, revising, and perfecting will be thrown away.
    Writing is like any other kind of artwork, always to be interpreted differently because each and every interpreter is different. And I honestly have been tired, under-slept, and altogether irritable this past week, which has made all aspects of life more challenging. I selfishly want to keep my writing to myself. I do not want fault to be found in it. I know fault exists. However, in my pride, I wish to find it first on my own before submitting it to criticism. Forgive me, my friend -- you know who you are -- I need a little more time to sort out my feelings and seek peace from the Lord before I allow you to read my novel.

Another part of this bowlful of spaghetti (which is the tangled mess of my life) consists of my prideful desire to not let myself be outdone by others. Juvenile but true. I am surrounded by artists, musicians, writers and all manner of skilled people by whom I feel challenged, or more accurately, threatened. I know I am not nor ever will be as talented as they are, and I am frustrating myself by trying to meet their level of skill. It is a fruitful process, however. I am beginning to understand who I am. And now, I am learning not to fight to be like others, as though that would be fulfilling, but to be myself; to pursue God's will for my life and use my talents for Him rather than to attempt to please others. And the Lord is helping me with my pride, piece by piece. For example...

Two nights ago, my sister and I had a dear friend over. We lingered outside whilst she was beginning to leave, and ended up lying out on the grass in our backyard, stargazing amidst the night fog and reading aloud Isaiah chapter forty. I have yet to dare admit it to her, but she is one of the brilliant friends of mine about whom I have been struggling with jealousy. She does not understand how talented she truly is, nor how humbled I feel whenever we spend time together.
    Anyway, I was being a coward that night. I looked up at the stars, so many and so distant that I could never dare to count them all. I felt so small, so pointless underneath their soft glow. I imagined them singing to the Lord, twinkling for His glory, and I forced myself to cease from my self-pity. Forgive me, Father. I prayed and I prayed with a heart full of sorrow. I hate my pride and selfishness, and I hate this haunting jealousy and the competitiveness that is destroying the joy in my life.
    As my dear friend began to leave -- she did not know I was struggling with these awful feelings, and was saying such sweet things about not deserving my and my sister's friendship, and we agreed -- well, she was in her car, just starting to drive away when she reached out her hand.
    I had to make a choice. In that little moment, hardly longer than a breath, I considered my many fears and especially what I feared most: I feared being always less skilled than she; I feared my selfishness; I feared losing this opportunity. These were my options: I could take her hand, pretending there was no struggle of jealousy in my heart. I could let her hand remain extended until the car rolled out of reach, leaving her thinking there was something barring me from extending my full friendship. There was yet still a third option, and this was the one I chose. I reached out and took hold of her hand, inwardly crying out 'forgive me'!
    This is the same friend who has said that she always reads my blog posts. She is busy today, and will continue to be so for a while, but I hope she finds the time to read this. I do ask your forgiveness, my dear, dear friend!
 
And of course, I hope we all are remembering the meaning of today's date. 9/11. It represents the dreadful, painful experience of the Twin Towers, serving as a reminder to not waste a moment of the precious time we have.


So, these are a few of the trials in my life at the moment. The presence of the aforementioned friends around me is being used to challenge me to do nothing; that is, to instead of attempting to be as good at everything as they are, to remain humble, which is in many ways a far greater challenge.
    Challenge accepted.

Lord, by Your grace, help me be content, to be patient, to go beyond...

                                                                                   In Christ alone,

ellipsis...

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As a child, I never would have guessed where my writing would have taken me, how far I would come in the simplest things such as spelling or metaphorical speech, nor how close I could be to actually becoming an author.

I began this novel in 2005 on my grandmother's beautiful typewriter when I was eleven. It was based on a dream, based on a video game, and it was the beginning of something marvelous. Countless drafts and eight years later, I am six chapters completed with my novel. Never have I been so determined to finish it, to publish it, to hold its bound pages in my hands. I want to fulfill my lifelong dream of typing out the words, 'The End' and someday putting my work-well-done on my bookshelf, alongside The Goose Girl and The Healer's Apprentice and Redwall, and all of the books that have made me who I am today.

I always am encouraging my fellow writers to continue writing. There is no other hobby or talent from which I derive more pleasure than writing, and it is lovely to watch others develop their dreams and stories along with me. We all see things differently; we all look at a painting and arrive at a completely different idea of what the story is behind the artist's craft.

I find myself presently at the same point every writer inevitably meets along the winding road of literary choreography and revision: I am residing within the confines of an ellipsis, three small dots oft used to represent a continued thought, or the cliff of a sentence yet to jump off of to reach the other side.

...

Where shall I go next? My story is thirsting for more, crying out to have its ending revealed. I know the ending. Arriving at that end is the issue. There are so many distractions, so many other activities and necessities in life to make time for. But, Lord willing, I will finish my novel. He is the highest Author, who writes the story of every person alive, and I endeavor to have all that I write give Him the glory always.

If you are a writer, do not give up. Do not be exasperated when it seems there is not enough time for you to pursue your writing; do not feel dejected when others criticize your work or tell you what you love is not good enough; do not grow lazy; do not grow discouraged when you think others do so much better than you; do not even despair when what you write does not sound the way you had hoped or planned...

Write. Rewrite. Determine to see your writing to the end. It does not matter how long it takes. (Good grief, it has already been over eight years for me!) Trudge through your 'ellipsis'. After all of the sweat and tears, you can take a nice long hot shower and reward yourself with a little snack (kiwi, Junior Mints, a Klondike bar, or whatever you like), but for now, keep working. Keep writing.

It will be worth it.

late night novelist

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It's going to be another busy weekend, but sometimes novel-writing just can't wait. It's half past midnight, and I've written exactly 300 new words. If I keep this up I just might become a successful baggy-eyed author one day! ;)

to gain self.control

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Dragon art by Laurel "Tully" Austin/L.D. Austin

It's been my goal to write even just the tiniest bit to my novel every day. So far, I've made it to every other day, but my diligence is slowly increasing through determination. I have a little over four chapters completed - imagine my sigh of relief! - and am making somewhat slow but steady progress in chapter five. I have many writer friends who are so much more faithful than I am - they are my motivation.
   Fantasy artwork (as shown) is another huge inspiration for me when I need to get cracking on my novel. There's just something magical about it....

I can't walk into our library anymore without the urge to carry out at LEAST five new books! As I told my sister, even if I don't end of reading all of them, it's helpful for me when writing or reading other things; that is, I feel surrounded by inspiration. Standing in the center of a library is like being encompassed by millions of opportunities. Knowing my options helps me decide what steps to take in my writing, and also helps motivate me to finish reading a novel so that I can begin a new one. (So many novels, so little time!)

A dear friend of mine and I agreed that we wanted to begin eating a healthier diet. We both admitted to eating far more sugar than we ought to - a sure way to gain fat, while avoiding it, a sure way to slim down.
    Well, I made it off to a good start this week, but we had pancakes for lunch yesterday, and then French toast for dinner - neither of which is nearly good enough without a thick drizzling of real maple and blueberry syrup. So, today, I've resisted cereal already - although I'm still being tempted, even at this very moment; the characters in my story are eating breakfast, and describing everything is making me hungry - but even though tempted, I know in the long run I will be grateful to not have wasted youthful health on an irresponsible diet that will no doubt come back to haunt me later in life.
    Step one: resistance 0.5 complete.

{I just couldn't resist adding this quote!}

  As far as reading God's Word, I have made a habit of reading at least one chapter every day, and haven't quit the flow for months. (Technically, my mom read to me when I had my wisdom teeth taken out, so those two days don't exactly count, but it's the heart that matters, not the numbers.)
   The struggle now will be making a healthy habit of prayer. I do pray every day, but not as fastidiously as I know I ought.

 
So, lastly, Princess Academy: Palace of Stone. Shannon Hale is my favorite author, and this is becoming a new favorite book. As dreadfully long as it's taking me to read it - I'm a very distracted reader, unfortunately - I've made it well past the half-way mark, and have the hardest time going to sleep at night because I CAN'T STOP! Last night I read at least one more chapter than I probably should have and woke up this morning looking ragged because it wasn't until around midnight that I had fallen asleep. (Not good for a natural early-bird like me!)
    My compliments to Shannon for writing novels that tug at my heart, fill me with a love for her characters, and *whoosh* me away to foreign lands that are excruciating to depart from. Once I can afford it, I'm buying the books of yours that I've read but don't own, and then I'm going to read the rest of your books and probably buy them all, too!

the devouring of books...

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...and the adventures of spring

It's always a treat when one is able to sleep-in an extra hour and then wake up to see sunshine, feel the warmth of the day, and breathe a thankful prayer to God.

Lately, I've wanted nothing more than to READ. I've been having the worst time with self-control when it comes to reading my Bible first thing in the morning. I actually did it today, before anything else. As always, just finally obeying God brought a beautiful peace and joy into the day.

    Yesterday, I read Leviticus 26, which is about God promises, either for good things should they obey Him, or for punishment should they disregard Him and fall into sin. This is the first time I've ever read Leviticus all the way through (just chapter 27 left, then I'm done!), and I can absolutely see it's value as part of God's Word. That is to say, a lot of people don't find it necessary because it's so full of SACRIFICE and LAWS, and all kinds of things that Christians don't need in order to live to God in this age.

    But it is necessary.

    God takes sin very seriously, and He wants His people to be set apart from the sinful ways of the world, to live a righteous life and to give Him the glory. He promises to bless our obedience and provide for our needs, but He will discipline us if we should fall away into temptation, forgetting His promises.

    I believe God has preserved this record (Leviticus) for us to remind us of the importance of godliness, holiness, true faith; it isn't a prayer-a-day kind of lifestyle, it's COMPLETE DEVOTION to God! If He was willing to DIE to spare us from an eternity in hell - we who are sinful, unworthy sheep who will stray from fields of hearty food and protection for one blade of withered grass - then we better not waste this one short life we have, but cooperate with the Holy Spirit in order to be sanctified, in preparation for God's one day perfecting us and - at last! - the eternal bliss of heaven.

Oh, I could go on and on about all that forever!

Along with suchlike weighty thoughts, I've been having lots of pretty little dreams at night and a great deal of story inspiration. Having discovered Shannon Hale's eight month-old book Princess Academy: Palace of Stone, I've found an ocean of new ideas and insight into characters I've loved for years from the prequel, Princess Academy (which I've read four times). I always marvel at Shannon Hale's knowledge of her characters - she always knows just what they want, just how to express all that they think and feel, and just when to give them what they need or want most. I'm a terribly distracted reader, so it takes me forever to finish a book, but my word... when I sit down with this, it's really, really hard to put it away!

    As far as my novel-in-progress, I've been able to finish some exhaustive editing and am adding piece by piece to a new chapter. It takes self-control to jump on the laptop and work on my novel instead of rushing onto Pinterest or 700 other websites at my fingertips - it's so easy to run out of time in a day by wasting it on useless games. I don't like having hardly accomplished anything useful by the end of a day. When I procrastinate, I'm reminded of a favorite quote from Princess Academy:

No wolf falters before the bite

So strike

No hawk wavers before the dive

Just strike

When struggling with the desire to do something else besides writing, I say 'no' to my distractions and command myself, 'just do it, just work on it, and you'll be so, so glad you did'. (Which is pretty much what I had to do to get myself to read my Bible, even on such a beautiful, motivating day.)

I bought a new purse from Thirty-One, a cross-body, just large enough for a notepad, a smallish book, my mp3, a pen, various re-charger cords, my keys, my glasses case, travel toothbrush, flashlight, travel Bath & Body lotion, and my library card. Now, that probably sounds like a lot, but I usually carry all that plus two or three MORE books, a small journal, an extra one or two pens and a pencil, a camera or yarn and knitting needles, and sometimes a thermal tote besides all of that if I'm babysitting and need to pack food.

    So, yeah... I decided to downsize a bit, and although I love having a variety of things to read and no small amount of trinkets I probably won't end up using with me wherever I go, it has been nice to not have too much extra weight on my shoulders (literally). Besides, the new little purse is a cute style, and in a favorite teal/mint color that seems REALLY popular right now.

Tea. Thesaurus. Cashews. Books. Novel. Music. Blue dusk. Spring. God's Word. Life.

It has been a lovely day, full of much more than I mentioned to the brim of what a mostly-relaxing day can contain, including errands to the grocery store, bank, JoAnne Fabrics & Crafts (my little sister is making a Steampunk 1880's dress for her drama class performance next month), a visit to one of my best friends (the library; I now have four more books I've never read before), and naturally frequent trips to my imagination - but if I went into detail, you'd never reach the end of this post, or worse, be bored stiff before you came close. ;)
 

Thank you for reading this, even if only a tiny bit; the number of page-views I get encourage me to keep blogging, more than you know! God bless,

steps into spring

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Spring is on the move.

At least here in Minnesota, we've had a few fluctuating false springs so far as winter has fought to keep it's strength up --- but no longer. Snow is finally melting, and I'm beginning to feel the warm promise of flowers and all growing things in the air.

Though I've visited my blog so very little this winter, life has not hit a lull.

During this week of spring break, I have not been needed to babysit my niece, as is usually a regular part-time activity, and there haven't been any piano lessons --- two large chunks of my week (when you include the extra babysitting that goes along with the lessons). The week, however, has had no trouble at all filling itself up, as it always does.

I find myself still wasting plenty of time watching various movies, usually in the evening, a habit of which I am trying to rid myself.

I've made headway in my novel, and am almost done with a long-winded editing process so that I should be able to move on to just plain writing by Monday. (Hopefully....)

As much as I love The Goose Girl, and Melanie Dickerson's works, I think The Hobbit is moving up a long ways on the favorite books list. The first time I read it, I had a hard time picturing everything, but since An Unexpected Journey came to theaters, the story and even the characters have been come easier to keep track of, understand, and love. I'm reading the book for the second time, and should break down and purchase my own copy anytime the next time I babysit and have some spare cash. ;)

Spring means it's almost my little sister's birthday (Emily), which I probably look forward to more than my own! I have a few little presents for her already, and know about a few bigger ones from our older sister, Lilly. I think knowing helps me anticipate the day even more.

Spring also means that the snow will be melting soon, the grass and leaves will be coming back, and through all of this, I'll have some fresh scenes to take photos of. (I really want to practice portraits this spring, and I'm already scoping out some good sites for these.)

Spring is a wonderful motivator. After a good long winter, it's time to step outside, stretch out the hibernating cramps, and go do something!

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thank You, Lord, for another new year, 

and thank You especially for another Good Friday anniversary!

camera

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I have only posted on my blog one or two times since I got my new camera, and that was exactly one month ago. Weird... I can hardly believe that anything could crowd-out writing in my life, but I guess the novelty of a DSLR of my very own takes more time to wear off than I thought! To help balance this out, I have been taking a long break from editing photos the past several nights to finish writing letters to some friends, keep "plugging away" at my grad party thank-you notes, and baby-step my way to the end of my novel.

Even though I've graduated from High School, responsibilities and various forms of learning do not end. I'm taking piano lessons again (just started up for the season on Tuesday), and dappling in a few other subjects which interest me. I'm also starting to pick up my driver's manual so that I can hopefully earn my permit soon. I know it would be convenient for my mom to have another licensed driver in the family who can help run errands and suchlike.

I'm never quite sure just how to answer when people ask me about college or my plans for the future. The truth is, I don't really have any big plans yet --- I'm living life as it comes, continuing to stay at home unless and until God presents me to my own prince charming. I'm waiting for God to show me His own plans for my life. In the meantime, I may very well end up schooling myself in the areas of photography, writing, and useful homemaking skills --- all outside of college. Life seems filled to the rim even without college classes and a full-time job, and I'm content to wait on God's will for my life.

Having read a couple Medieval fantasies in a row, now, I plan to dig back into the Hunger Games trilogy. 'Catching Fire' is waiting for me on my desk, and I'm itching to open it! I have only a chapter or two of 'Dragon's Breath' by E.D. Baker to finish; so much reading, so little time!

My writing, as I have alluded to, has been mostly put on the back-burner of late, but I hope to put an end to this pattern. I'll try to return here often, now that summer chaos is beginning to subside.
    Along those lines, I also want to work on this one tough area in my novel; this sticky place that I've written and re-written more than once. I want that enormous section of the story fixed and behind me so that I can once again pour my heart into the more exciting parts of my work-in-progress.

Although my camera has crowded-out a lot of other activities in my life recently, it hasn't exactly been all in vain.

It may not seem very interesting, but I have to tell you... I took this photo out the dirty window of my moving car from the back seat. The fact that there is no blur, no sign of dirt, no anything bad is the reason why I love my new camera to death! ;)

I guess I have a 'thing' for leaf and sunshine photos. I can't help myself, though. The first photo is of a leaf I found in the public library parking lot. Nothing special, just your regular green. But the sunlight was perfect. My other leaf photo (directly above) is of a crunchy brown leaf, and the place at which I found it now escapes me. But the texture of it reminded me of a dragon's wing --- naturally I found the very idea irresistible.

This darling young lady is my younger sister, Emily. She was sweet enough to let me force her up into a tree and smile down at me. You professionals can tell I don't have much experience with portraits as yet, but don't worry; I'm learning. Em's just naturally a beautiful girl, so pictures of her, however poor the quality, are always lovely. ♥

As I have said, I shall try to be more faithful in writing on Thirst For Purity. After such a long an eventful summer, there is now much to be said! Ta ta for now!

beauty and the beast

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I love this story.

A beautiful girl sacrifices herself, her freedom, her dreams, all to save the life of her father; she doesn't fall in love instantly, it's something that takes a lot of time. Magic, suspense, comic relief, Disney --- pretty much, it has me written all over it.

Emily and I just recently watched the cartoon, and now we're both trying to play the enchanting theme piece on the piano. I hope to play it at my next recital --- it's a more challenging piece for my level, but so beautiful that I am determined to learn it!

Last year I read Melanie Dickerson's 'The Healer's Apprentice' for the first time. It was fantastic, and I plan on owning it some day; it's honestly one of my favorites! Anyway, I discovered that the same author has another such princess book titled 'The Merchant's Daughter', which I believe is based on the classic Beauty and the Beast fairytale. So, yeah, I think I'll be giving that one a try. But I have a goal right now to not start any other novels until I'm done with 'Stepping Heavenward' by Elizabeth Prentiss. I've been reading that one for over a year (with several books in between), so I need to have this one completed before I commence upon any new books.

Now, back to Beauty and the Beast. I have to confess, I don't really like that Belle is a little of a --- shall we say, feminist? She's dissatisfied with her life and complains a lot; she doesn't want to settle down and be married, she wants to travel and go on an adventure. Well, she didn't know that she was in for one after all, and certainly didn't expect it to start out being so unpleasant compared with the stories she had read about. And it bothered me that she was going to break her promise to the beast and run away. But then, she decided to stay after all when he saved her life --- yeah, it's complicated, and a little frustrating. I wonder how Melanie Dickerson is going to interpret it?

I like to think of the true beauty and the beast story, between Christ and humanity. I'm seriously contemplating writing a novel about it; a prince is betrothed to the lowest creature on earth, who hates him, but learns to love him. She is ugly, he makes her beautiful; she is rude and unforgiving, and he melts her heart with his unconditional love. It's exactly what happened to me; Christ saved me from myself, and He loves me so much that no words can express it. I was a beast, destined for a fate of perpetual misery, but He stepped in and broke the curse.

"For while we were still helpless,

at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 

For one will hardly die for a righteous man;

though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. 

But God demonstrates His own love toward us,

in that while we were yet sinners,

Christ died for us."

-Romans 5:6-8 NASB

~ Now, that's what I call True Love! ~

life is busy

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Reading. Writing. Weeding. Cleaning. Babysitting. Organizing. Planting. Trying. Failing.

Isn't life just beautiful? I suppose that statement deserves an explanation: God blesses us in so many ways. I can't count on my fingers, toes, and even hairs exactly how many blessings God has given us. Every leaf, every blade of grass, every cloud, every ray of sun or moonlight, every breath, every beat of our hearts . . . life is a gift, a miracle. Oh, that we could learn to not take its many and beautiful facets for granted!

I haven't been writing on my blog very faithfully, and I apologize for that. I have been busy with life. (Wow, where to begin?!)

 My church is amazing, and I'm growing closer to everyone there and loving them more and more deeply as the Sundays pass by, one after the other.

I've been inching my way through the Hunger Games book, and am almost to the end. My sister, Emily, owns the book, so I've been trying to respect her wishes about not bringing it around while we travel. This makes it a little harder to finish (I spend a LOT of time in the car), but it's nice to sit down on my bed and delve into the action.

I'm finishing school at a snail's pace. Math is my most prominent issue, (I'm done with Literature, am nearly done with science, and am flying steadily through history because I just LOVE it). The prospect of finally graduating is a light at the end of the tunnel. A lot of my friends are graduating this year as well, and their open houses are getting me that much more excited!

My novel is coming along slowly. I'm the kind of writer who has a beginning and an end already planned out, but needs to work on filling in the middle. And that's what I'm doing right now, trying to fill in those spaces to get from A to B. I'm feeling a little restless, but it's a great learning process. My hope is to have chapter three completed by the first of June.

    The more I get into the story, though, the more my excitement grows. After all, I've been working on the general idea for this novel for almost seven years. (Mid-July was when it all started.) I had to crawl through a lot of drafts over the years that just weren't . . . right yet. But I'm confident that the draft I have now is the one I've been looking for all this time. I'm going through it one piece at a time, chapter by chapter, paragraph by paragraph. Now, I have a lot of great ideas in store --- it's just getting there!

My older sister, Lilly has begun selling Thirty-One bags. (You can find her here.)When I first went to a party my sister-in-law was hosting for these bags, I wasn't really sure to expect, and honestly, I didn't really like them. Now? I LOVE THEM! Perhaps I just needed a little nudge, but after purchase one, it's hard to stop! They're extremely practical, as well as cute. I just purchased a special cosmetic bag that I'm going to use to carry my Bible in for church on Sundays. I have two of these adorable notebook-cover-thingies called a Fold-and-Go Organizer; it's my favorite product from Thirty-One, and I use it daily to write down story-notes. It keeps them in one neat little place (who likes scraps of paper flying around in all directions?), and besides, they're CUTE!

    I'm also expecting another bag (the All In One Organizer) and a Pinch-Top Eyeglass Case in the mail in a couple of weeks. (Yeah, I have my own librarian-style specs; I'm a little near-sighted. Probably from reading so many books!)

    Anyway, if you're a girl, you won't be sorry you checked this out! You can visit the website here.

I once started reading Jerry Bridges' book Respectable Sins, but never finished it, so I'm picking it up again and am loving it! It points out those sins we look at as 'small' or 'acceptable' --- sins like pride, or greed --- things that don't show as much as murder or adultery, but are equally evil in God's eyes. This won't be the last time I mention this book, and I'll be sure to quote from it a lot in the near future because Bridges says it all so well, so much better than I do. Really, if you ever have an opportunity to get your hands on it, this is definitely a book worth owning!

Ah, and back to the subject of math, I've discovered an interesting technique that helps me get through it stress-free, and in a slightly shorter amount of time. You may call me crazy, but all I can say is that it's great to be home-educated.

    The past three days, I've sat down to math, and once I've completed between five and ten problems, I play one of my Spyro the Dragon games for a few minutes. 

 . . .

See? I told you that you'd think it was crazy.

This is why it works:

Honestly, I can only tolerate math for a very little while. About twenty to thirty problems involving fractions is enough to give me a whopping headache, and it has been known to take me a lot more than an hour to get through just one of my math lessons. If I get stressed (and too much math definitely makes me stressed!), I begin to have a harder time thinking logically about how to solve a problem; I start blanking.

    Now, when I pause every-so-often to get my mind off of math (by playing a little bit of my Spyro game), it takes away that stress (or prevents it) and actually ends up taking me approximately half an hour to finish a lesson, instead of almost TWO hours! It really does help. And you know what? I've started looking forward to doing math. ;)

Life is busy. And that's the way I like it.

on to chapter three

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I finally did it.

Late on the night before last, I finally met my writing goal of finishing chapter two of my novel! I was able to end it in a way that fully satisfied me; it wasn't a cliffhanger, but I think it'll be the sort of thing that makes the reader want to keep going, because it promises something important in the near future.

So, now I can finally let my dad read my story; I promised him I would let him as soon as a certain chunk of editing was done, and now it is. =)

I've been writing drafts of this idea for almost seven years, now. I started it in early/mid July 2005, when I was eleven. It was based off of a dream I had one night, and the dream based off of a game I used to play all the time. I used my grandma's typewriter to get the gust of the dream down on paper. A year later, I threw that draft away because it embarrassed me with it's childish simplicity (that is, a complete lack of necessary details) and it's speediness in causing things to happen in a ridiculously short amount of time. (Pretty much, the story was about three or four pages long, and involved one day's worth of life for the characters therein.) I'm re-writing that specific draft partly as an exercise and partly because I don't want to lose that memory of how this story began.

Dragons. It's all about dragons. But it's not going to be like any other dragon book I have ever read, because it's me; it's filled with characters derived from my own imagination and disposition, with places I've dreamed about my whole life, and with words that have been on my tongue for years, just waiting to be knitted together and expressed to the world. The story is made up of pieces of myself; of memories, desires, and of course, that driving force to remind the world what really matters through fictional characters who one can grow to love.

A lot of days, I don't do as much writing to my story as I would like to, but day-by-day, the simplest things from any area of life inspire me --- just a couple days ago, I came up with one of the most important ideas for my story that explains one part of the adventure that didn't absolutely make sense before. Even if I'm spending more time taking notes about what I plan on doing than actually pursuing the end of the fairy tale, I'm on a roll!

So, on to chapter three!

April transition

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My family is going nuts right now in our house; we're finally going to be putting up the last three new doors in the hallway (which includes mine!), preparing to put new carpet on our stairs, seeking the best new counter-top for our kitchen, and preparing to put up the rest of the trim on the upper-level. It's exciting, and yet also a little intimidating --- there's so much to do, and we want it to all be done within the next thirty days! What a time frame, right?

And speaking of time frames, that reminds me... I set myself a deadline for my novel. Well, sort of. I want to have the second chapter completed by tomorrow. Yeah, I'm close, but I want to have at least a couple more pages worth written, and that takes time. And a lot of it. I want my dad to be able to read my novel soon because I promised him that when I was done with this chunk of editing and writing, he could read it. So, I'll be cracking down on that shortly.

Have I ever mentioned that I love my church? I spend most of my time with two girls (sisters) in particular, April and Robin, who are both so sweet. We have many interests in common, and of course it's just wonderful to talk to people who share the Faith!

    I always love it when our pastor is saying so many wonderful things that my little pen can barely keep up. When I look back, I know which sermons were the best by seeing how messy my handwriting was! Well, this morning was like that. =)

    My mom, sisters, and I all joined our church choir, and we're going to be singing five lovely songs this Easter. I'm humbled by all of the beautiful voices that stand beside me, and at the same time, delighted to listen.

I tried something new today.

My sister, Lilly, had made a batch of macaroni and cheese for lunch, and when she finished her part, I decided to help her get rid of the last little serving. I had already started cooking a bowlful of tomato soup, and so, simply for the sake of experiment, I put a little macaroni on a spoon and dipped it in the soup. It was quite toothsome, and so I put the macaroni on a plate and drizzled over some of the tomato soup. Lilly was appalled, but my mom confirmed my theory that cheese and tomato go well together. It was kind of like Spaghetti-O's, but on an entirely new level of delicious flavor. What a pleasant discovery!

    Unrelated to this, I'm in the mood to learn how to cook more things. Pizza, check. Toast, check. Oatmeal, also check. The most difficult recipe I've ever conquered on my own was a hash-brown casserole I made last summer. I need to spice things up a bit and try something unfamiliar --- let's talk Pinterest.

    I've been collecting interesting, mouth-watering pictures of recipes, and yet bringing none of them into reality. That's a crime of the tongue. The two recipes I'm most interested in attempting presently are 'Tastes Like Lasagna Soup' and 'Pull-Apart Cinnamon Sugar Pumpkin Bread'. Dinner plus dessert --- yes, please!

Who else loved The Hunger Games movie that just came out? My younger sister, Emily, is nuts about it --- she's already seen the movie twice in the theater, she's been braiding her hair to the side every day for over a week, and she won't take off the mockingjay pin replica that her friend gave her as an early birthday gift.
    Me? I really, really like the Hunger Games, and probably a lot more than I'm willing to admit because I don't want to seem totally fanatical about it. But it was a great movie --- far better than I expected, and I love all of the characters. (Well, mostly Ceasar Flickerman because he's totally full of himself and wears an all-blue sparkly suit with blue hair.) Anyway, I laughed and cried during the movie, and am psyched up for reading the books!
    Alright, for those of you who weren't that big on The Hunger Games, I'm also excited to go see The Hobbit this December. I've read the book and really enjoyed it, and I also just LOVE The Lord of the Rings movies which precede The Hobbit, although I have yet to read the books for those.

Well, that's the gist of my week. Thank you for reading this, and please do have a blessed Palm Sunday, everyone!

Eight Days

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I fear that something has happened to my blog that I've been afraid of; that I've made all of my writing too official, and not the flowing, personal delight I had ever hoped it to be. I have a habit of writing far too matter-of-fact when I mean to sound intriguing.

    So, in my roundabout way, I mean to say that I shall endeavor to sound less... formal, and more... exciting. I have some books of poetry nearby to put me on a head-start, and a willingness to let the inspiration come and sweep me up in the cloud of blissful writing.

    Also, I have only written 6,940 words to my novel --- that's really quite smaller than it sounds! --- and have not even finished the first chapter. But, oh, inspired as I am presently, this should soon change! I'll make myself a goal, shall I? I shall strive to have at least the first chapter of my novel completed by the first of October. That gives me... eight days, not including today. Time to do the work that is as play....

Stepping Heavenward

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My sister prompted me countless times to read this book, and no wonder; I can hardly believe how alike my personality and struggles are to that of Katherine Mortimer in Stepping Heavenward. I'm not even a third of the way done with the book, but I read something that I just had to share:

"Lay down this principle as a law --- God does nothing arbitrary. If He takes away your health, for instance, it is because He has some reason for doing so; and this is true of everything you value; and if you have real faith in Him, you will not insist on knowing the reason. ...

    In reading the Bible I advise you to choose detached passages, or even one verse a day, rather than whole chapters. Study every word; ponder and pray over it till you have got from it all the truth it contains.

    As to the other devotional reading, it is better to settle down on a few favorite authors and read their works over and over and over until you have digested their thoughts and made them your own. ...

    You can will to choose for your associates those who are most devout and holy,

    You can will to read books that will stimulate you in your Christian life rather than those that merely amuse.

    You can will to use every means of grace appointed by God.

    You can will to spend much time un prayer without regard to your frame at the moment.

    You can will to prefer a religion of principle to one of mere feeling; in other words, to obey the will of God when no comfortable glow of emotion accompanies your obedience.

    You cannot will to possess the spirit of Christ; that must come as His gift; but you can choose to stdy His life and to imitate it. This will infallibly lead to such self-denying work as visiting the poor, nursing the sick, giving of your time and money to the needy, and the like.

    If the thought of such self-denial is repugnant to you, remember that it is enough for the disciple to be as his Lord. ..."

Now, although the book is fiction, it is packed full of the truth of Christianity. The quote above is from a letter Katherine Mortimer receives from her pastor, Dr. Cabot. She continually goes to him with questions about her Christian walk, and he replies with great wisdom.

    Truly, I would recommend this story to all girls, that God might use it to benefit them as He has for me and my little sister. And now, I think I'll go read some more!

Spyro the Dragon

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Dear Readers,

First, I would like to say that I have decided not to post the rest of the series I started on the book 'Respectable Sins' by Jerry Bridges. I get the feeling it wasn't having the effect I had hoped for, but perhaps I'll add little quotes in the future as I still plan on reading the rest of the book.

And now, to the point of this post. I grew up playing a most exciting game called 'Spyro the Dragon'. I've grown to just love that little purple guy! My sister and I have been playing the fifth PlayStation game, 'A Hero's Tail', over the past few days, and I am having... wow... so much fun!

Spyro the Dragon

I don't know what it is about this little guy, but I love him. I even started writing a story about him when I was eleven, which --- although the first draft of which was thrown away a year later because I was by then disgusted with it --- has led to an even bigger project over time. (Yep, the novel I'm writing right now was inspired by Spyro, my childhood hero.)

    The story I wrote started out being a dream I had about the 'A Hero's Tail' game, but oh-ho has it changed! I've got my own antagonist, a new protagonist, and an idea for the conflict inspired by a post-it note I wrote down without any clue about what it was going to turn into. So far, I've only told one person in the world --- who is my best friend, Elaine --- about my story plans, but I promised my mom I'd let her read the first chapter when I get it done. (On the roll I am right now, that shouldn't be too far in the future.)

    Sadly, I wanted to have this story completed by the time I was sixteen so that I could have it published before I became an adult, but I had to tear myself away from that old draft because I knew I hadn't found the right storyline yet. And now, I believe I have.

Sparx the Dragonfly, Spyro's Best Friend

    Yikes, it's frustrating to not be able to tell you any details! I better get it written so that I can finally post it to share with you all, right?

Well, back to the actual game. I've won it about three or four times, so I pretty much know it by heart. I've played it so often because the story (and Spyro) are precious childhood memories I love to visit. This time, my younger sister, Emily, got me started on it again because she was in the mood to play it. We'd been listening to the music for the game online, so naturally, we HAD to play. We're calling this one Emily's game, but I'm helping her out a little, and not letting her end the game until we've completed every little detail.

This is my favorite song from the 'A Hero's Tail' game; it's called 'Stormy Beach':

Although I'm going to finish this particular post just like that, I'm probably going to end up posting more than once about Spyro over time because he's just plain awesome, along with his friends.

Blogs are for writing what you're passionate about, right?

Fairytale in the Making

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Dear Reader,
Great News! I've been working hard on my novel today, and it's already on a great head start! I may even be able to post the first chapter as early as tomorrow! The title is still giving me grief; I've had it one way for awhile now, then thought maybe it should be just a little different, and now I think I've come back to the same title again. It's kind of fitting. I just hope that people will be able to pronounce it. ;)
    It's really hard for me to get my thoughts out sometimes, but this is one of the seasons where words are practically flowing out of my head. It's awesome! The weather's awesome, summer is almost here --- which means school will be over SOON --- and there's a whole bunch of imagination pent up inside of me, bursting to get out!
   Please pray for me to pound this story writing; a finished novel has actually been years in the making, and I'm ready --- as well as my VERY encouraging family --- to have this blessed fairytale completed at last!

Thank you all! God bless!

Surprise!

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Dear Readers,

It's finally happened. Inwardly, I'm just bursting with pleasure! I have finally found all the inspiration I need to get a good head start on - drum-roll, please! - my own novel! After nearly six years of writing and rewriting the same story, I think I've finally found the path I want this tale to take.

    I want you to know, this is a difficult declaration for me; I take writing very personally. But this is one time when I finally feel completely confident; previous drafts have left me feeling like they weren't good enough, no matter how my family encouraged me. God gave me the most blessed talent of writing, so I can take most anything and turn it into a story, but since writing is so personal, I wanted to make sure this story was just right before I said, 'done'.

    I have to save the details for a surprise, but I will say that I have a title, I have most of the characters, and most of the story itself pent up in my head and ready to be poured out from my pencil onto some paper! Please pray for me as I begin writing this next draft; may it be my last draft, in a good way! ;)

    You know, I've been writing ever since I knew how! The first novel I ever started writing was the work of a nine-year-old version of myself, and quite honestly pathetic. It was about a princess who was kidnapped and had to save the world. I'm sure the idea I had could have turned into something marvelous and even has been done before countless times, but the way I had it written was... awful. But it was still the beginning of something wonderful in my life.

    When I was eleven, the inspiration for the novel I'm working on right now came to me in a dream. It was July, and I was visiting my grandparents for a weekend with my sisters. I woke up, got out of bed, and without even bothering to change into my day clothes, I sat down at my grandmother's typewriter and just started writing out what I saw in my dream. (Sorry, but I still can't reveal anything about that, because most of the main idea has survived from that first version until today.) This version was so short, it fit on only two pages of paper! I wouldn't let anyone look at it. It was my treasured story, and I knew I just needed to work at it a little to make it perfect. Well, more than a little.

    The next year, when I was twelve, I read over the story again and was so disgusted with how poorly it was written that I threw it away. (Today, I regret that because it would be great fun to read over and laugh about now, but I still fortunately remember most of how it went so that I can compare it to the present version.) I then started writing the second draft, which I have kept until today in that ragged black notebook. This, too, was perfectly dreadful. I read it over today and can enjoy it because I remember the love and passion I poured into it, but it isn't much better than the first draft.

    Over the next several years, I kept gathering notes of little ideas I had, and was writing and rewriting until my fingers were sore and black as my pencil lead. (Until now. The laptop is one of the most blessed pieces of machinery ever designed!) And now, here I am! With so much hope for the future, and a solid direction and purpose, I am commencing upon the next step of this fantastic journey.

    Writing. My passion, my love, my gift which the Lord graciously gave to me.